Master Chief Puts the O in HALO
Tuesday, September 25th, 2007
Oh, my darling Master Chief,
I waited and waited for you, just like I said I would. I knew that you would finally come back to me. And you did! Last night, I got to hold you in my arms at 9:00 - three whole hours before the poor pathetic losers outside the store got to. All they could do was sit there with their portable generators and meager copies of HALO 2 as they tried to ignore the fact that just a few feet away, some of us were already basking in your glory.
Oh, my love. My darling. I’ve hungered for your touch. A long, lonely time. And you know what, baby? Even though it’s been a few years you’re hotter than ever. Your rear end looks just as good as it always did in that Spartan armor, and I know that all those Covenant grunts are just gonna fall over from the sheer shock of your studliness when we jump on that Warthog to blow stuff up all night together. I can feel the fireworks now.
Don’t ever leave me again, darling. I promise I’ll be good to you. I’ll take good care of your armor, and I won’t ever let you die for no good reason. I’ll find you the best weapons human and alien technology can create, and I’ll equip your Fuel Rod Gun every night. I’ll pull out the purple finger paint and you can dress me up like Cortana. Whatever you want, baby.
Just don’t ever leave me again . . .