Attack of the Blog!

Who would have thought? A major factor in the extinction of Neanderthal humans may have been cannibalism. The hairy hominids vanished more than 30,000 years ago, with no clear reason why. Some scientists feel that the slightly smarter members of the family, homo sapiens, beat them out for land and resources. But mad cow-like disease, resulting from cannibalistic consuming of nervous tissue, may have helped thin their numbers.

Human beings might have better brains, but not everyone remembers to use them, not eat them. Human cannibalism still hasn’t totally died out, as seen by the case of the Fore people and Kuru (laughing disease), which they contract through ritual cannibalism of their dearly departed, including nervous tissue. Apparently they won’t cut it out because Kuru victims taste like pork. Yech. In a synchronistic story, a group of people in Minnesota falling prey to a rare neurological disorder were found to have inhaled vaporized pig brains at the slaughterhouse they worked at. It yet another sad and repulsive tale, but one that had some justice to it, a killer cannibal was convicted and will, through the death penalty or life without parole, be banished from society forever.

The data speaks pretty clearly: Eating brains is bad for you. Don’t do it. Cannibalism, and even consumption of neural tissue of another species, is a notion that make most people’s stomachs churn. Well, follow your gut, because it may be an evolutionary defense mechanism trying to help you survive.

The odd coincidence of so many stories about cannibalism got me thinking about the origins of monster stories. The innate aversion most people have to the idea of cannibalism offers protection to the species at large as well as individuals, and might be reinforced by cautionary tales handed down through oral tradition. Cannibalism is a terrible idea, evolutionarily speaking, unless you like being eliminated. No society that practiced cannibalism has ever gone far. Prehuman cannibals died out, and present day humans that practice it are isolated groups still using stone age technology, never expanding beyond a limited geography with virtually no influence on the world at large. Those who practice it are seen as subhuman, disgusting, and monstrous by most of us.

I believe that legends of dragons came from accidental ancient paleontology. If you knew nothing of the true age of the earth, the fossil record and the evolution and extinction of dinosaurs, what would you think if you stumbled across the skull of an Allosaurus? Likewise, I’m starting to think that the origin of vampire and zombie legends may have been from people who witnessed the terrifying effects of mad cow-like diseases on cannibals.

The word “Zombie” is believed to come from one of several dialects native to West Africa, one of the areas of the world where cannibalism has been practiced contiguously for thousands of years– even today. The words “jumbie” and “nzambi” mean “ghost” and “spirit of the dead” respectively. Prion diseases like Kuru and mad cow come from consuming the dead, and the chaotic and bizarre behavior of victims of these diseases could strike the fear of demons into anybody, especially in a pre-technological culture.

What are the typical traits of a zombie? Shambolic gait, moaning, and a craving for human flesh. The symptoms of Kuru? Headaches, trembling of the limbs, coordination problems, inability to speak, spastic laughter, difficulty walking, and certain death. Sounds just like Shaun of the Dead, in which bite victims suffered terrible headaches and trembling before turning into zombies. The only difference between Hollywood and science is transmission; in the movies, the zombie’s bite spreads the disease. In real life, normal humans bring it on themselves by consuming the dead.

The Fore believe that Kuru is caused by evil spirits. I guess it’s difficult to explain a prion-induced neurological wasting disorder to people whose most advanced technological tool is the spear. But this idea links up very well with the notion people have that Zombies are undead– twisted vestiges of that which was once human.

On a positive note, this is why we really don’t need to be concerned about zombies. Sure, they may look scary, but the reality is that even the most fearsome cerebrum-munching monster will fall down dead from mad human disease. I have no way to prove it, and really have no interest in setting up a human trial. But either way, it seems plausible. So just remember, kids– use your brains, don’t eat them. The evolutionary process will thank you for it.