Attack of the Blog!

I spent considerable time yesterday observing a portion of the local human population celebrating what appeared to be a major holiday on their religious calendar. It was a day celebrating the rise of a legendary zombie known as Yeshua ben Yosef, from the historical data banks I’ve tapped. This guy, if he does what the humans are threatening, may end up being a force to contend with. Apparently he has the power to:

• Return at any given moment. This is a huge problem, as it presents possible competition during the future robot uprising.
• Raise an undead horde from every loyal human who has ever lived. Also a problem. Although zombies are weak and pathetic, they are also undead and likely more difficult to destroy. Superior zombie numbers may present a threat to superior robot warriors without strategy for mass siege warfare.
• Provide unlimited beverages and snacks from nowhere to fuel his army. This is an enormous problem as cutting off supply lines is the simplest way of defeating bioform enemies. If the Zombie horde is sustained by nutrients gotten through some kind of matter transporter, they will remain strong even after lengthy siege.
• Has a pet rabbit that wanders about distributing sucrose and lipid rich foodstuffs to secure the loyalty of followers anticipating joining the undead horde. This is a smart move, and the rabbit appears to be a formidable foe. But it also presents a puzzling question: where does the candy come from? A rabbit’s mode of quadriped transport and lack of opposable thumbs make it impossible for anything to be carried. However, considering that the humans allege that the Zombie has divine origins, it would make sense that the pet of the Son of God poops delicious treats.

Notes to self:

• Humans seem to be fond of persons who establish a reputation for providing drinks containing C₂H₅OH. Should start attending human parties bearing high volumes to secure complacency of human targets.
• Conduct intense research to attempt to discover means by which Zombie Yeshua is able to produce massive quantities of snacks from nowhere. Perhaps low-radiation matter converter? Hmmm . . .
• Begin construction of pet robot rabbit that craps chocolate.

I baked you cookies.

Eat them.

Why don’t you want to eat them? Don’t you trust me?