Experiment XY-035

Final Report: Experiment XY-035
Duration: 02 November 2007 - 09 March 2008

Initial Observations: Candidate XY-035 showed promise as short term social appendage, possibly even potential pair-bond partner. XY-035 fell within desirable age, mass, and microbial specification range. Added advantages included surpassing psychological criteria and exceeding economic requirements. Frequent personal inquiries beyond perfunctory communications by candidate seemed to indicate interest in applying for permission for covalent bonding. Pheromonal signals sent for weeks during interaction in herd environment.

Hypothesis: With proper catalyzation, a favorable chemical reaction seemed likely.

Test 01: Absorption
Date: 22 February 2008
Description: Verbal interaction to obtain biographical data while consuming Thai nutrient matter before attending multimedia entertainment venue. Low volume verbal interaction perpetuated where appropriate. XY-035 prolonged testing environment through invitation to absorb more information and beverages containing adequate amounts of C₂H₅OH.
Follow-up: Electronic communication made promptly after conclusion of test, confirming success and indicating that replication with variations was desired for the following Tuesday. Test 02 planned for 26 February 2008, including assimilation of nutrient matter and stylized musical exercise on wooden floor with other subjects performing similar tests.

Test 02: Kinetics 1.0
Date: 26 February 2008
Description: Physical movement in ritual setting, as taught by scholars of socially acceptable forms of movement associated with musical styles dating 1920 to 1950. Activity generally considered chemical catalyst and “ice breaker,” as it necessitates constant physical contact beyond ordinary limitations.
Follow-up: Encouragement offered in form of complimentary encouragement and ritual teasing (see “flirting”). Electronic communication matching format of that given after Test 01 sent within one hour of termination of Test 02, suggesting repetition of the same activity. After research and negotiation, date for Test 03 set for 02 March 2008.

Test 03: Kinetics 1.1
Date: 02 March 2008
Description: Replication of Test 02 with variables altered. Setting was daytime and out of doors but showed similar success, indicating variable environment has no impact on success of interaction. Event prolonged at suggestion of XY-035 to allow for replenishment of fluids and nutrients. Suggestion made to replicate Test 03.
Follow-up: Customary prompt electronic communication indicating favorable response to Test 03. Several brief electronic messages following that, but no audiovisual communication. Last contact made via electronic communication on 06 March, suggesting future culinary mating rituals but refraining from setting a date. Favorable response encouraging further contact sent. Received no reply. When no contact was reestablished by Sunday 09 March, candidate XY-035 was declared chemically inactive and the experiment was closed.

Possibilities for Circumstances Leading to Termination of Experiment:

1. Catalyzation of chemical reaction delayed and, when finally initialized, underperformed and fizzled. Despite flagrant addition of catalysts including olfactory stimulants, cleavage enhancement, and ritual ego massage, the reaction never really took off.
2. Pheromone mismatch detected by XY-035
3. Male sharing XY-035’s dwelling may have seen through my disguise and been influencing factor in decision to terminate contact
4. Catalyzation withheld due to XY-035’s fear of temporary social appendage becoming permanently grafted on?

Conclusion: Not likely to encounter subject XY-035 again. Termination of contact, combined with failure to request further testing on a Friday or Saturday night, indicates unfavorable reaction. According to common human female reference source, “he’s just not that into me.”