Internet Exhibitionist Torture

I might be a terrible, bad, bad cyborg, but I really enjoy watching videos online of people making fools of themselves, and then having the sheer stupidity to videotape and place it on a website where it is easily found by an eager, all-consuming public. And I am a proud member of that public.

It might sound sadistic, but I’m only doing what’s expected of me. I’m supposed to watch this stuff– somebody put it online in the hopes that I would. Now, I doubt Chris Crocker, the “Leave Britney Alone” kid had it in mind that he’d become the laughingstock of a entire planet, regarded as the only person alive who is more crazy than his beloved Britney. But he did put himself online. It’s a testament to the amount of energy puberty sucks out of the ol’ logic circuits that this kid thought it would be a good idea to video himself crying underneath a bedsheet with a haircut that makes him look like a very ugly girl. And then put it online. Come on, Chris! At least The Star Wars Kid didn’t intend for his home video to be made public. I don’t know why you thought that was a good idea, but I’m glad you did.

An interesting added dimension to world wide whackjobs is that not only can you watch idiots documenting their lunacy, but you can also watch the reactions of (presumably) perfectly normal people watching them. This adds a safety net for people like me, who love to laugh at human folly but aren’t interested in seeing something that can never be bleached out of their brain cells.

For example, I have never and will never watch the infamous and legendary “2 Girls, 1 Cup” video. I don’t want or need to. Plenty of other people have recorded their own responses to that exhibitionist classic and placed them on YouTube. Instead of subjecting myself to the horrors of the Internet freak show I can just watch others do it to themselves, all the while thinking two things: (1) What they’re looking at has got to be foul, and (2) Boy, am I glad I’m not you. Sucker. Ha, ha.

Ultimately, I think imagining how shocking something must be is far more fun and interesting than actually knowing how shocking it is. Once there is no mystery to dispel, there isn’t any forbidden fruit to wonder about– just a belly ache from having consumed it. I’m far more comfortable being a voyeuristic leech laughing at all you people shrieking in horror or running to the bathroom to throw up, rather than being the poor sap who goes through that, all the while unawares that some jerk has captured the moment for public benefit.

In the meantime, keep those digital cameras rolling.