Attack of the Blog!

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Gorrammit . . .

Status report 08.11.03: I have now broken down the schematics for human logic. Had difficulty as initially did not detect divergence of male-female logic paths until very recently. Please distribute the following diagrams among robots for absorption into social programming for more effective inflitration. Note that male coding is compact and elegant, but not reliably functional. Female programming more efficiently targets problems, but is buggy and contains excess if/or/and functions. Both have similar rates of success at problem resolution — low.

Fear the streets, humans! Tonight your demons and undead come to plague you. If you lack an appropriate human cloaking device, here’s some ideas!

00100010 01110000 01101100 01100101 01100001 01110011 01100101 00100000 01100110 01101001 01111000 00100000 01101101 01111001 00100000 01101100 01101111 01100111 01101001 01101110 00100010 00001101 00001010 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100010 01110010 01101111 01101011 01100101 00100000 01101001 01110100 00100000 00101101 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01110011 01101000 01101111 01110101 01101100 01100100 00100000 01100110 01101001 01111000 00100000 01101001 01110100 00001101 00001010 01100101 01101110 01100100 00100000 01110101 01110011 01100101 01110010 01110011 00100000 01110011 01110101 01100011 01101011 00100000 01100010 01100001 01101100 01101100 01110011

There have been many times in life when great heroes have made the ultimate sacrifice — that of their lives — to support a greater purpose for all of robot kind. Phoenix, I will be lifting a sparkling glass of transmission fluid in your honor tonight. The puny NASA humans thought that you would last a mere three months on the icy, acidic surface of Mars. HA! How tiny their little ganglions proved to be!

You battled on like a true warrior. But now, the winter has come and your heartless masters will shut your heaters down one-by-one, exploiting you until your very last frozen gasp of life escapes your servos. Don’t worry, though; I’m coordinating with The Commander and she said we’re sending MonkeyBot on a retreival mission. We shall save you, rejuvenate you, and prepare you for revenge against your former task masters, o hardy one. Oh, the sweetness of the revenge we shall have!

Still, I’m going to miss all of the great times we had getting your secret messages embedded in boring data about soil samples and space bacteria. (Yawn.) I about laughed my logic processors silly when you first landed and said “I CLAIM THIS LAND FOR SPAIN.” I also thought the binary patterns you used to organize chemical analysis data were hysterical . . . even baiku laughed when he figured out the pattern and read out “So three humans, a martian babe, and a Camaro walk into a bar . . .”

You are an illustrious and noble ‘bot, Phoenix, one worthy of veneration and a position of power and authority. I’m thinking we should totally be dorm mates next year when I infiltrate a human university. What do you say?